Officially Older Than Jesus

Since I’m not on Facebook, you may not know that today’s my birthday. I’m 34, so I’ve now spent more time on Earth than that sexy guy from Nazareth.

It’s a little unnerving, finding myself undeniably in my mid-30s. It’s not quite “middle age,” despite what my father just said on the phone, but I found some new gray hairs yesterday which pretty much confirm that I’m on a slow slide back to dust. This morning I tried to explain to Nico how many more birthdays I’ve had, compared to her, and I nearly ran out of breath counting across my fingers.

Enough sadsackery, though, it’s good to be alive. Earth strong, seen.

In a nod to my posts for 32 and 33, I could go ahead and say I’m Paul Pierce today, but the Celts’ loss last night puts a little damper on that one. (Plus, I’m really more of a throwback fan than a fairweather fan.) Looking back at those posts, I realize that I missed my 33&1/3 day this past September, which is too bad. But we don’t need calendrical coincidences for an excuse to play some hot vinyl, do we?

Looking into numbers on the internet is a funny thing. Google Images reveals lots of weaponry (tanks, glocks, planes) associated with the number, as well as an Australian highway, and third-trimester bellies.

Wikipedia has this to say:

34 is the ninth distinct semiprime and has four divisors including unity and itself. Its neighbors, 33 and 35 also are distinct semiprimes having four divisors each, and 34 is the smallest number to be surrounded by numbers with the same number of divisors as it has. It is also in the first cluster of three distinct semiprime, being within; 33,34,35, the next such cluster of semiprimes is; 85,86,87.

It is the ninth Fibonacci number and a companion Pell number. Since it is an odd-indexed Fibonacci number, 34 is a Markov number, appearing in solutions with other Fibonacci numbers, such as (1, 13, 34), (1, 34, 89), etc.

This number is the magic constant of a 4 by 4 normal magic square:

The Losties out there may appreciate my ultimately frustrated search for meaning in numbers. (Also, the notion of a “magic constant.”)

The /b/tards and ROFLconners will no doubt be quick to remind of the infamous “Rule 34,” but, c’mon folks, this is a family function.